Last week my inner tyrant had a party and I fell under her spell. I was overtired. The day started off on the wrong foot. I woke up in a cold sweat after having a disturbing dream that I couldn’t shake. My mind kept asking why would I have a dream like that?
Wrong question. Why questions make me go in circles. I went down the rabbit hold for an hour or so. Until I decided to work it out on my yoga mat. Tending to my body, mind and spirit in class gave me a break mental masturbation. And I felt better.
Although not 100% I went to work. I added 30 names to my database, sent out a mailing, contacted a potential client, attended a mastermind meeting but I didn’t feel totally into it. Next, I went on line and spent more than an hour comparing myself to everyone and concluded they were better than me and it wore me out —I had lost control of my senses—again.
Sometimes a day of nuttiness just happens. I don’t choose to discipline myself to stop the insanity. However, instead of it lingering for weeks it shifts within 24 hours. I have tools that I can use to obtain some measure of self-mastery. Here’s the thing, when I am not taking good care of myself (overtired) I am susceptible to my inner tyrant. And we all know we shouldn’t believe the nonsense it throws at us. It’s free floating BS that runs through the collective consciousness.
Here’s what I know, I have to flex my mental muscles, I must reach out for support, it’s okay to be vulnerable, good healthy food gets my engine going, journaling and quiet contemplation starts my day off better than hitting the ground running. And even with this wisdom there are still days where it all changes and I don’t do what’s best for me. Emerson said something roughly like: show me a consistent person and I will show you someone who isn’t being authentic. Things change in our world and in our inner terrain everyday. Wise personal leadership requires that you outfox your operating system and install a new one. This one focuses on what I want, not what I don’t want, whom I wish to be around, on effortlessness, on self appreciation and self love and on enjoying more inspiration and less perspiration.
I like to tell myself that today I am not going to sweat it. I am where I should be, I am growing everyday, I may not be where I ultimately want to be, but I am further than I was. I am human and I appreciate myself.